


Calm Shepherds Its Certainty

by peacefulboo



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 23:28:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1406527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peacefulboo/pseuds/peacefulboo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This time, Felicity isn't a child. She's 26 years old and bold and brave. But no less desperate. This time, the desperation is accompanied by a calm quiet she hasn't felt since she was four years old and her family was whole.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Calm Shepherds Its Certainty

**Author's Note:**

  * For [tomatocages (kittu9)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kittu9/gifts).



> Based on a prompt from Vern. "And because she was desperate / she became unafraid." -Quliraq, an Inuit tale from Toksook Bay, told by Frances Usugan
> 
> The plot holes are large and dangerous in this. I hope you enjoy anyway!

Felicity has been desperate many times in her life. To her mind, desperation and terror are the best of friends. She can still feel the frantic fear clawing at her chest when she was nine years old and found her mother unmoving and unwakable in the bathtub. She can remember freezing when the possibilities began to swim around and round in her head. What would she do? Who would take care of her? What was the number to call? 

She was a nervous child, and she often dreamed up the worst scenarios. Like what if she walked into her house to find her mother bloody and cold (again)? Or what would happen if a bad guy came into the school to grab her or one of the other kids. Or what if she got hit by a car walking home from school. She would ask her mother sometimes but never got a very good answer. On good days her mother would hold her and shush her and tell her she shouldn't think of such things. And on bad days, well the bad days were why she dreamed so vividly. 

Felicity perfected the act of hiding her desperation. She learned to smile and talk and talk and talk. About anything and everything except what she most needed to say. 

She takes that habit into adulthood with her. It's hardly even a coping skill now. Just a habit. 

This time, Felicity isn't a child. She's 26 years old and bold and brave. But no less desperate. This time, the desperation is accompanied by a calm quiet she hasn't felt since she was four years old and her family was whole. 

“Oliver, you need to take Sara and go.” Felicity can barely look at Sara. Her friend's breathing is shallow and she's so pale that she looks like she's already dead. Thinking about that isn't going to help Felicity disarm the device any faster. 

“Not without you.” He's so stubborn. And stupid. 

It took Felicity only a few minutes to realize that the device that is set to go off in less than five minutes is essentially a dirty bomb. If it goes off the chemical agent will be released into the air, at best contaminating the air for a couple square blocks before dissipating enough to be rendered harmless. At worst...well, there's a lot of it in the canister. Seeing it's affects on Sara is enough to let her know she can't let that happen. 

“Don't be an idiot. Sara's going to die if you don't get her out of here now. Get her to the lair, get her the herbs.” There's no cure for the toxin she's been hit with, but the herbs seem to have crazy magic powers, and Felicity can only hope that they work this time. 

“Felicity!” The way he shouts her name tells her that he doesn't quite understand yet. 

“Oliver. Go. There's no time. If this goes off, hundreds of people could die. I have to try.” She looks at him for only a second longer, giving him a small, determined smile before turning back to the device and pulling off the access panel. 

Moments pass by as she studies the device, trying to figure out the best approach, when she feels him come up behind her. For a second she thinks he's going to try and pull her away, but instead she feels him press a kiss to the top of her head. 

She closes her eyes tightly and clenches her jaw, swallowing back tears. Damnit. 

“I'll see you out there, Felicity. You can do this.” His voice is low and sure. And then he picks Sara up and runs toward the exit. 

Felicity doesn't want to die today. And she doesn't want anyone else to die today, but four minutes isn't a lot of time. She mutters as she works, steadily breaking down her approach. She knows there's probably a kill switch somewhere but if it exists it's not obvious. 

She's down to a minute when she realizes what her best option is. There's a vent shaft that leads to the roof and then out into the open air. If she can't turn off the device, maybe she can keep it from getting outside. 

Felicty drags one of the lab tables under the the duct work that leads to the vent then hops up. She tries to push it loose but it doesn't budge an inch. She pulls on it, using her full weight to try and dislodge it, but it only groans against her weight. That's when she sees a little lever where the canister holding the toxin attaches to the duct work. 

“Well damn.” From the looks of it the only way to detach the canister will expose the agent to the open air. Clever. “This is gonna suck.”

“What does that mean?” Oliver's voice in her ear startles her. 

“I can more or less keep this stuff from getting outside of this building, but I'm going to need the herbs. And a fire.” Without hesitating, she moves the lever and is able to pull the canister out of device. Seconds later the machine tarts whirring and the fans kick in. She scrambles away, hoping to keep the wind from pulling any of the particles through. 

“Don't do anything reckless.” 

She has to laugh at that.

“Yeah. We all wish that was an option. And now I've breathed the stuff in. So I hope you've got someone bringing me your super magic tea. And someone's going to have to light this place up. Big, big fire. Hopefully it'll be enough to keep this stuff from spreading further. And we should really invest in hazmat suits, okay? Put that on a sticky note and put it on my computer.” She lets all the pent up nervous energy flow out in her words. 

“We're on our way, Felicity.” Oliver sounds confident and strong, which is a relief. “You did good, Felicity.”

“I did.” She agrees. Her hands are starting to get tingly and the room begins to swim in front of her. “Not to worry you but my vision is starting to go blurry. God, it's hot in here. And I think I need to fall asleep now.” She can hear Oliver calling her name through the coms as she passes out. 

***

She wakes slowly. It hurts to breathe and she is barely able to blink her eyes open before she's pulled back down into sleep. 

It takes a few more tries before she's able to stay awake long enough for her to look around and realize that she's in the bed at the foundry and that a still pale Sara is sleeping in front of her. 

They're both alive. That's good. 

She takes too deep of a breath and starts coughing. Once it starts she can't stop and she begins to panic when she can't get air in. 

“Hey. Shhh. You need to calm down, Felicity.” Oliver's voice is soothing and she slows her breathing down enough to actually fill her lungs. The pain is intense. Oliver holds a cup of water to her lips and she takes a few small sips from the bendy straw. “See. You're okay.” He smiles at her in reassurance and it's such a weird look for him that she has to smile back. 

“Thank you.”

Oliver just nods, reaching up to brush her hair off her face. His hand is cool and so, so gentle and she relaxes against it. 

“Sara's okay?” she asks, looking back at her friend, still sleeping deeply. 

“She's okay. Still sleeping most of the day but she's okay.” He smiles fondly at Sara, his eyes touched with sadness and worry that belies his easy tone. 

“Were we able to contain it?” 

“We were. Roy got you out and then lit the place up. I think he might have enjoyed that too much.”

“That's good.” Her eyes are getting heavy again. 

***

When she wakes up this time, she's snuggled up against Sara. Her friend is wearing different sweats and her hair is slightly damp, so Felicity figures she must have been sleeping for a while. What surprises her more, is that it's not just Sara in the bed with her, but Oliver is there, on the other side of Sara, his arm flung across both of them. 

“You need some water?” She startles at Roy's question. 

“Please.”

Roy holds the cup to her and helps her take some sips from the straw. She's still weak and feels like she's moving in slow motion. She hates it. 

“Thank you. For the water and for coming to get me. You didn't have to and who knows what that stuff could have done to you, mirakuru or not, but I appreciate it anyway. I like this whole being alive thing.” She smiles at him and shrugs. 

“It's no big deal.” Roy ducks his head down and sets the water down on the ground. 

“It is a big deal. You got me out of there. You took care of the toxin. Thank you.” She isn't sure why she's insisting when it's making him so uncomfortable. She just knows it's important to give credit where it's due. 

“You saved hundreds of people, Felicity. I just...” he trails off and she can see it dawning on him that he's essentially dismissing his heroics because it only effected one person. 

“Saved me.”

“Yeah. That was good.” He looks sheepish, so she decides to let him off the hook. 

She stretches a bit but decides that getting out of bed is too much effort. 

“He was scared shitless, you know?” Roy nods his head in Oliver's direction, but she doesn't turn to look toward him. 

“He's always scared shitless,” she replies. Oliver carries too much responsibility with him all the time. 

“When he had to send me instead of coming himself because he and Sara hadn't made it back here yet, he was so pissed that he couldn't be in two places at once. I think he wanted to hit me when I came back with you and you weren't okay.”

“That wasn't your fault.”

“No but that doesn't matter when your scared, right?” He has a point. “Anyway. It wasn't easy. For him. Or for anyone.”

“It wasn't easy for me, either.” 

Except, in the moment, it was.

**Author's Note:**

> Look at that! I more or less managed to write something other than curtain fic. It's amazing!


End file.
